How do busy ‘power couples’ make time for their relationships? Between managing hectic work schedules, family life and social obligations, it can be a challenge to prioritize intimacy, romance and sex.
Oasis Aqualounge Marketing Director Fatima Mechtab recently interviewed Tori and Soul; a married, same-sex, female bisexual couple who work as busy professionals and who also host a podcast about their adventures within the Lifestyle. Tori and Soul share how they maintain a balance between their professional and personal lives and how they keep the passion alive, in their marriage.
Q: How did you meet and how long have you been together?
A: We met through a series of mishaps that brought us together on the dance floor, on a snowy night in January. Soul was all set to go out dancing with a friend, and at the last minute, her friend cancelled and insisted that Soul still go. She said to Soul, “You’ll probably meet the girl of your dreams.” Well, no truer words were spoken. When we saw each other, we felt instant chemistry. Today, we still love dancing with each other, and we’ll do it for hours.
We were together for the next several years before there would be a proposal. Upon meeting us, people would be surprised that we weren’t already married, yet marriage was not something we were necessarily interested in. We were both previously married (to men, by the way) and were in no rush to tie the knot again. Our engagement proposal was set up as a mock video shoot “for a friend” and was a complete surprise to Tori, and everyone else present for the recording.
Q: Describe your career, as individuals. What is a typical day for you, like?
Well, in the everyday part of our lives we are entrepreneurs in business development. We offer training to those wanting to better manage their work flow, do less, and have more success. Basically, we teach people how to not make the mistakes we did!
Currently, what we are even more excited about is our podcast. We started Torrid Souls Podcast in 2018; basically, because we were encouraged to share our take on relationships based on conversations we would normally have, with others. Our journey into ethical non-monogamy started about 3 years ago and has been an interesting and fun one, that has expanded our world in ways we never imagined.
We are curious and like to try new things, so we podcast about what we encounter. We travel and teach and share how we navigate the world of ethical non-monogamy as two women married to each other, who, when we play, it’s with single guys!
What listeners have told us they really enjoy most about our show is the connection we have with each other. They like how vulnerable, yet how informative (and hilarious) we are. As a same-sex female couple, who are both bisexual, we may not be the norm in the lifestyle, but like many couples, sometimes we just like to spice it up too.
Q: As a couple, what are some ways you both maintain intimacy, passion and fun in your relationship?
The 5 Love Languages is a system that helps us maintain intimacy, passion and fun in our relationship.
For those who are not familiar with them, they are: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. Each love language is important in that it gives us concrete ways to express love. We find that it helps to create a stronger bond in our relationship.
We can achieve that feeling of closeness, express strong emotion, enjoyment or lighthearted pleasure through these love languages.
We love touch, and the obvious pleasures of intimate, physical touch. There are also the more subtle ways of using physical touch to show our love, like holding hands, touching as we pass by each other in the kitchen, for example, and also throughout the night, as we sleep. We often have arms around each other, legs intertwined, or even just feet or toes touching as an expression of love.
Nurturing any relationship is basically being able to get as much of what one person wants while still giving the other person as much of what they want.
Q: Tell us about a particularly memorable romantic evening/trip/date night. What stands out most in your mind and why?
We live, work and play together, and we’ve been doing this for many years. We are fortunate that we have just the right combination of similarities to be able to easily have a lot of fun being together and yet, we are still two completely, different individuals.
One of us is naturally an introvert, and the other is more of an extrovert. One of us is a morning person, the other is naturally a night owl. Maintaining a relationship means that we must compromise and stretch outside of our natural tendencies.
Couples are often challenged to maintain a relationship with a difference in sex drives, or have differing styles of sexual enjoyment. No matter the challenge, the same still holds true. Compromise. Communicate. Compromise. Communicate. Discover and share what is true for you. Listen, with curiosity and interest, to what is your partner’s truth. Find a point of compromise. And if you need support in finding that middle ground, get help from someone outside of the relationship (perhaps a professional counsellor, someone who is capable of helping you).
We just recently decided to step up to a whole new level of intimacy by enlisting the support of a sensuality coach. In this latest endeavour, we are discovering our sexual blueprints to help us to better get our own desires met and to be able to feed the desires of our partner. Coupled with this work, we are also learning about passionate sexuality and deeper love, gaining greater intimacy and having even better sex.
5. Share a particularly memorable date/trip. What stands out and why?
We love experiences, and (we’d like to think) we are pretty adventurous. We recently got married and, in our vows, we made a commitment to each other to have fun (frequently), travel even more, and try new things. What stands out as a particularly memorable date is actually our wedding.
After being together for years, we wanted it to be an epic celebration. Something that focused on surprising our guests with a truly unique, unexpected and immersive experience. We rented a multi-million-dollar mansion for the weekend, hired actors, belly dancers, an artist to paint portraits, musicians, singers and a DJ. We set a theme and encouraged guests to go wild and have fun dressing to that theme. Guests were taken through 3 unconventional days of dancing, eating and being entertained. They loved it. We loved it too! It was so much fun. To this day, we still hear from guests that it was THE best wedding they have ever attended!
6. What advice do you have for busy couples who are struggling to make time for one another?
Time together feeds the relationship. It’s important. It’s a busy world and maintaining an intimate connection in a relationship with a hectic schedule can be challenging. Oftentimes we can feel like we don’t even have enough time for our own self-care and paying attention to someone else can easily feel overwhelming. We operate from the understanding that all relationships go through stages. Knowing this, we can better recognize and navigate the challenges that come up for us.
In the beginning stage of any relationship there is attraction and romance. Everything is new and lusty. Sadly, we cannot maintain this level of fantasy, and inevitably, reality will eventually end this “high”.
What often comes next is that we start to see the flaws, and behaviours we may not like. This is often where relationships end. At this stage, we are being asked to strengthen our communication and trust if we are to get to the deeper stages of stability and commitment in our relationship. Statistically, few couples, married or not, don’t make it to this deeper stage. Understandably; it’s HARD work. It takes a lot of work to navigate some of these differences.
We suggest that couples cuddle up and discussing ideas of things that they are curious about, things they’d like to try. Decide on ways to have fun together, ways to spice things up in a different way. Go dancing; it will literally get you closer. We’ll often go to a lifestyle club just to dance! Or try something a little more edgy, like a different theme at a lifestyle event, club or resort. Go get openly sexy with each other in a safe environment like Oasis Aqualounge. Just make sure to set boundaries before choosing to add others into your playtime. And if you’re not sure where to start, listen to podcasts together. It’ll start the discussion. There’s lots of great content available to educate, entertain, and inspire your desires.
Remember, relationships are a constant play session in progress!
Is there anything else you would like to share with our readers?
In case you may be wondering why there are no faces in our pictures, it’s because we still need to practice a level of discretion in a society that has not yet fully embraced all the benefits of the sub-community of consensual non-monogamy.
One day it won’t be this way, and in the meantime, we look forward to connecting with you in person at events, and online on social media. We love meeting people.
We’d love it if you’d join our Torrid Souls Tribe. Listen in and let our ‘smexy’ (smart + sexy) conversations open your minds (and your legs) just a wee bit wider.
Check out www.TorridSouls.com/links for the ways to find, and contact us. Just know that we are mostly on Twitter, Instagram and Patreon.
To find out about our travels, our podcast and us, visit our website at: www.TorridSouls.com