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Sexual Self-Care Series: Spotlight On Mocha Love

How has COVID-19 affected the sex-positive community in terms of sexual self-care during isolation?

By: Fatima Mechtab

The global Coronavirus Pandemic has forever altered the course of humanity. How we have learned to cope with isolation, how we socialize, and our health and safety approaches have changed us on a personal, professional, and economic level. But how does this relate to sexuality? What will our new sexual normal look like? And particularly for those who have not had physical access to their partner(s), how does that impact sexual self-care when it comes to solo individuals?

These interviews will shine a spotlight on the views of those within our vast, sex-positive community. While we have all affected this universal phenomenon, it’s important to capture the particular experiences and opinions of how people are coping from day today. From educators to artists to performers, the COVID-19 has put a unique strain on our sexual freedoms and expressions. Let’s explore how these individuals are approaching sexual-self care during a time of isolation.

Q: Introduce yourself; who are you, and what do you do?

A: Mocha is my nickname, I’m a Queer Black Femme, a multidisciplinary artist from Toronto Canada I live with invisible and chronic illness, I volunteer a lot of my time in community involvement where my main focus is on marginalized folks, Body Positivity, Sex Positivity, Burlesque, Race Relations, and Social Justice.

Q: How have you been coping with the COVID-19 crises?

A: I was in a state of shock for the first few weeks. I was concerned about my family. Living with Generalized Anxiety certainly doesn’t help my situation. I took a lot of time to rest in between keeping up with the headlines as it was exhausting, but I’ve grown a lot in the past few months.

How has COVID-19 affected the sex-positive community in terms of sexual self-care during isolation?



Q: What are some ways you have been staying upbeat and positive?

A: I have an upbeat disposition naturally, but it only went so far this, this was the first time I’ve experienced a global pandemic. My arts, burlesque, and Sex-positive Communities have been incredibly supportive; they came through in ways I could not have imagined. I learned that it was ok to be vulnerable and ask for help, that was a huge lesson for me. When I reached out, people offered to do grocery runs, offered emotional support, invited me to zoom meetings and parties. I picked up some healing modality courses which I can use well beyond COVID.

Q: What are some ways that people can practice self-love/self-sensuality while in self-isolation?

A: Times of crisis are often times of self-reflection and clearing away of old habits; it forced me to look at what was essential and prioritize. As for intimate relations and self-care, luckily, I had invested in some instruments of self-pleasure well before COVID. Yes, I said it! I don’t live with a partner, and I wasn’t going to risk going out to meet anyone either. I made my room Into my sanctuary, I made special baths for myself, and enjoyed my quiet times. I lit incense, used my oils. I romanced myself. I added meditation and Reiki to my practice. I spent more time in self-pleasure than usual. It was a good form of stress relief.

Q: Why do you feel that this is important to practice?

A: Self-care is necessary for my healing; it’s helped me to be aware of changes in my body, how I respond to touch, discover what feels right, and it lets me know if there is anything that needs special attention. I have no shame about self-pleasure, even though sexual shame was part of my upbringing. I encourage others to get in touch with themselves and be confident in their individuality.

Q: Will people continue down a path of self-reflection/self-love after the crises have ended? Or do you think people will go back to seeking outside validation?

A: I really hope people will continue to give themselves special care. I know the urge to connect physically with others is quite strong months into the pandemic; it is for me as well. Self-care and pleasure (speaking as someone who expresses herself sexually)is a vital part of my personal, spiritual, and emotional health and will continue even after people are reunited. I cannot connect to others to the full potential if I am not aligned with myself, and I want to have the best experiences I can. We shouldn’t solely rely on others to make us feel better; we should appreciate the gifts they bring to our lives and become better for it overall.

How has COVID-19 affected the sex-positive community in terms of sexual self-care during isolation?

Q: What is the one thing found in your home that is bringing you joy during isolation?

A: I would say music because it’s been my companion for whatever mood I may be in. I used a lot of meditation music and sound baths to help me sleep and upbeat music to lighten my mood.

Q: Where can our readers find out more about you and your services?

A: I have so many forms of expression that have helped me to grow. On Instagram and Twitter Burlesque @xmochalovex If you’re into the holistic side of things, meditation, crystal healing, and finding inspiration in nature, you can find me @mindfulwithmocha on Instagram.

Fatima Mechtab is a professional freelance writer, event producer, content creator, and marketing maverick. She has been an active member of the sex-positive community for almost a decade and has worked as an organizer within the LGBTQ+ sector. Her articles have been published on such sites as SDC.com and High Canada Magazine, and she is currently a fiction ghostwriter for Foxon Publishing. 

Embracing Your Inner Slut; Women’s Sexual Empowerment

Oasis Aqualounge Marketing Director/Event Producer talks about embracing your inner slut & women's sexual empowerment

Embarking on a journey of sexual expression can be exciting and magical; opening up yourself to new experiences and fulfilling carnal fantasies can offer a thrill unlike any other. Making a conscious decision to explore and evolve as a sexual being can result in learning more about one’s physical body, needs, desires, communication style and inner spirit. 

For women in particular, this passage can also offer an empowering opportunity to break through social norms and to reclaim one’s sexual identity, outside of the male gaze. Unfortunately, mainstream society rarely provides women the tools in which to navigate sexuality in a healthy and galvanizing way. Women are seen as either having sex or not having sex, when in reality, sexuality is far more holistic than just the immediate, physical act.

There is often a harmful narrative associated with this dichotomy; women who have multiple, sexual partners are often referred to as ‘sluts,’ and women who are more inhibited are considered ‘uptight,’ or ‘frigid.’ 

What is a woman to do, when faced with judgement and misunderstanding? Personally, I say screw it and just screw; in whatever way feels right to you. You owe it to yourself to live a fulfilling and pleasurable life. Be your own example of what sexual empowerment can look like.

Reclaiming The Word ‘Slut’

The word ‘slut’ has long been used to shame and disempower women who enjoy a varied sex life, especially women who choose on their own terms. However, this word was not always in reference to sexuality.

Online magazine-The Daily Beast-quotes the first definition of slut found in the Oxford English Dictionary is that of “a woman of dirty, slovenly, or untidy habits or appearance; a foul slattern… (By) the 20th century, we seemed to have ditched the definition of ‘bad housekeeper’ and replaced it with the meaning we have now: a woman of loose morals, or, as some would have it, “a woman with the morals of a man.” 

I am not sure about you but being defined as a bad housecleaner and as someone who embodies the strength and autonomy that has been historically reserved only for men sounds pretty good to me!  Much has been written about reclaiming words that server to hurt us and I find that when I dissect a meaning and turn it on its head, it no longer has power over me.   Unapologetic SlutWalk advocate Amber Rose quotes in her essay; …the term slut never seemed to go away—in fact, I began to realize that I’d be called a slut whether I behaved according to other people’s standards or not.” 

In rediscovering my own sexual freedom, I decided to reclaim the word ‘slut,’ and to use it to my advantage. If you have a word that seems to own your spirit, I suggest facing it head-on and taking it back for yourself.  One should also be mindful of how such words permeate our language and our (sometimes subconscious) judgement. If you seek encouragement from other women and/or your peers, set the example and become the support that you wish to receive.

Exploring Taboo Fantasies

Mainstream society does not create a safe space for women to share or explore fantasies that are considered ‘taboo.’  By these, I mean sexual activities such as (consensual) gang bangs, BDSM play, Bukkake and/or sex with strangers (with no intent to create a connection or build a relationship). As women, we are taught to shun what turns us on and what is inside of ourselves, particularly if it is self-serving.

That is why I am constantly inspired by the courage and liberation found within my sex-positive community. I am enamored by women who embrace their desires because it sets a positive example and in turn, helps to strengthen the community. 

A wonderful example can be found at Oasis Aqualounge, via such events as ‘Down To Fuck, and ‘Bukkake Night In Canada.’  Over the years, the numbers of women who attend these events has grown exponentially.  To me, this proves that a) women are truly drawn to these concepts and want to participate on their own terms and b) Oasis Aqualounge has created a culture that serves to encourage and support a women’s right to express herself, without judgement.

If there is a particular fantasy that you want to explore, I encourage you to learn more about it and to find a tribe that will support you along the way. Connect with your peers and ask questions.  Join lifestyle sites like SDC where you can navigate through various forums and articles.

The road traveled towards an empowering, sexual journey will be paved with excitement, vulnerability and lust. In expressing your authentic sexual self, seek out friends and/or lovers that will support you. While mainstream society may never understand or accept you, there are incredible, sex-positive communities that will help you to navigate all of the nuances.  Visit your favorite sex club or check out online forums and keep in mind that whatever you feel or desire is valid. You owe yourself the gift of pleasure and happiness.

Interview with Kate Maxx: Professional Nudist & Adult Entertainer

Oasis Aqualounge is a sexually-charged, water-themed adult playground that embraces a clothing-optional policy. We want our guests to feel sexy in their own skin and we encourage those who enjoy being naked to proudly flaunt and show off their bodies. Feeling comfortable and confident in one’s body is one step towards having a satisfying sex life.

Marketing Director/Event Producer Fatima Mechtab recently interviewed Kate Maxx; a professional nudist, model, exotic dancer, MC host, actor and on-air personality. As a featured entertainer, Kate travels to stages all over Canada. On October 29 and October 30, Kate Maxx will grace the Ballroom stage at Oasis Aqualounge for a special, double feature.

Adult entertainer Kate Maxx shoots a live porn on October 29 & gives lap dance lessons on October 30 at Oasis Aqualounge, Toronto.

Tell us a little more about you!  What are your favorite hobbies or interests?

I love to travel and see the world, experiencing different ways of life and seeing other cultures and nature around the world is one of my biggest passions. I also love to dance, whether it be freestyle or choreographed. Hanging out with my dog, riding horses, surfing, swimming, scuba diving and hiking are some other hobbies I enjoy and wish I do could more often. I’m really interested in marine life and helping to preserve it. My interests on the sexier side of life: I love visiting strip clubs in different cities (they’re different everywhery you go), watching a sexy show, visiting nude resorts and clubs and hanging out at nude beaches. I love trying out whatever is new in sex toys too! 

When did you first start to model nude? What was your first shoot like?

The literal moment I was of age to model nude I was doing it. My very first fully nude shoot was for a calendar called Asian Mystique. I wore these tie up black platform heels and a smile. They covered me in this special oily stuff that gave my skin this crazy shine. I was really nervous and of course found 100 things to hate about my looks and my body, but those insecurities went away once I started shooting. I remember thinking “maybe nude modeling IS for me, I feel surprisingly comfortable here naked with a stranger taking my picture” I was really proud when I saw that calendar for sale at the malls around Xmas time.

Adult entertainer Kate Maxx shoots a live porn on October 29 & gives lap dance lessons on October 30 at Oasis Aqualounge, Toronto.

What is your favorite part of being nude?

Clothes feel restricting, I always feel like I’m being choked or squished when i’m fully dressed. I just feel natural and free when i’m nude. I’m usually naked when I’m at my home. I’ve pretty much built my life around being naked as a performer, MC, and online personality! I also really do love that brand names don’t really exist when you’re living naked. People get too caught up in materials in my opinion. Plus the sun feels REALLY good on your body when you’re totally naked. Picking an outfit is pretty easy too.

Tell us about some of your upcoming projects.

There’s quite a few! A documentary series from the UK will be following me for 5 days to film my unconventional naked, swinging lifestyle. I will be doing feature shows on weekends at the Brass Rail (a gentleman’s club downtown Toronto) I’m super excited to be back at Brass, its where my career as a professional touring dancer all began. It’s a very special place to me and I’m always so happy to return. I will be MCing, hosting and teaching at Young Swingers Week, which is a week-long event at Hedonism in Negril Jamaica. I’ll be MCing all the contests from the nude pool as well as teaching my intro to lap dancing class and a couple seminars. When i get back I will be filming my very first porn shoot at Oasis Aqualounge. I’m so excited to do this’ I’m a huge exhibitionist, so this is such a thrilling experience! I will also be teaching a Halloween edition of my lap dance class at Oasis (as well). All of the behind the scenes from these events can be seen on my Snapchat and Onlyfans. I’m still trying to figure out my tour dates for the rest of the year but October is gonna be a really exciting month! 

Adult entertainer Kate Maxx shoots a live porn on October 29 & gives lap dance lessons on October 30 at Oasis Aqualounge, Toronto.

You are shooting a live porn film at Oasis Aqualounge on Tuesday October 29. What made you decide to do this? Are you nervous/excited? 

I’m feeling pretty excited to do this shoot! I think I’ll probably get more nervous the day of when I see people watching but really that’s part of the thrill for me too. I decided I wanted to do this because I’ve come to a point in my nude career that I am more willing to try new things. I’ve always loved porn and have quite a few friends in that industry that are great people that have offered some tips! 

In your opinion, do you feel that sex clubs like Oasis Aqualounge could be helpful to those looking to explore themselves? If so, why?

Absolutely. One of many things I love about Toronto is there really is something for everyone. Clubs like Oasis are one of those places that has a lot to offer for people who are looking to explore, whether it be being a nudist, voyeur or more. I think it is important for people to have a place to explore their sexuality, be comfortable nude or in lingerie and to have a place to learn more about themselves and sex. Visiting a club like Oasis is something I tell people they need to try at least once in their lifetime. 

What advice would you give to those who are interested in the adult industry?

Do your homework. Learn what you need to know about the industry you want to get into. Make sure you are comfortable with what comes with entering the adult industry. Be real with yourself about WHY you’re doing it. If you’re thinking it is just for some easy money, think again. 

Adult entertainer Kate Maxx shoots a live porn on October 29 & gives lap dance lessons on October 30 at Oasis Aqualounge, Toronto.

Name a favorite part(s) of your body and why?

My legs because they’re long, and really strong! And my nipples, they’re really sensitive and literally the smallest thing will get them excited. It’s one of the reasons why I never wear a bra! 

What is a belief that you live by, every day?

“Happy girls are the prettiest.”

 And one of my favorite quotes comes from actor Charlie Day:  “You cannot let a fear of failure, or a fear of comparison, or a fear of judgement, stop you from doing what’s going to make you great. You cannot succeed without this risk of failure. You cannot have a voice without the risk of criticism. And you cannot love without the risk of loss. You must go out and you must take these risks. None of it comes easy. And people will tell you to do what makes you happy, but a lot of these has been hard work, and I’m not always happy.”

I don’t think you should do just what makes you happy. I think you should do what makes you great. Do what’s uncomfortable, and scary, and hard but pays off in the long run.
Be willing to fail. Let yourselves fail. Fail in a place, in a way you would want to fail. Fail, pick yourself up, and fail again. Because without this struggle, what is your success anyway? This quote meant so much to me the first time I read it and the message has stuck with me since. 

Adult entertainer Kate Maxx shoots a live porn on October 29 & gives lap dance lessons on October 30 at Oasis Aqualounge, Toronto.

Save the dates and meet Kate Maxx in person on Tuesday October 29 and Wednesday October 30. Check out Kate’s podcast and follow her on social media via:  Facebook, OnlyFans, SnapchatInstagram and Twitter. If you are a proud, sexually-empowered entertainer and would like to be interviewed for the Oasis Aqualounge blog, please email info@oasisaqualounge.com, attention Fatima Mechtab