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Power Couples; Managing Love, Sex and Relationships

How do busy ‘power couples’ make time for their relationships? Between managing hectic work schedules, family life and social obligations, it can be a challenge to prioritize intimacy, romance and sex.

Oasis Aqualounge Marketing Director Fatima Mechtab recently interviewed Tori and Soul; a married, same-sex, female bisexual couple who work as busy professionals and who also host a podcast about their adventures within the Lifestyle. Tori and Soul share how they maintain a balance between their professional and personal lives and how they keep the passion alive, in their marriage.

Q: How did you meet and how long have you been together?

A: We met through a series of mishaps that brought us together on the dance floor, on a snowy night in January. Soul was all set to go out dancing with a friend, and at the last minute, her friend cancelled and insisted that Soul still go. She said to Soul, “You’ll probably meet the girl of your dreams.” Well, no truer words were spoken. When we saw each other, we felt instant chemistry.  Today, we still love dancing with each other, and we’ll do it for hours.


We were together for the next several years before there would be a proposal. Upon meeting us, people would be surprised that we weren’t already married, yet marriage was not something we were necessarily interested in.  We were both previously married (to men, by the way) and were in no rush to tie the knot again. Our engagement proposal was set up as a mock video shoot “for a friend” and was a complete surprise to Tori, and everyone else present for the recording.

Q:  Describe your career, as individuals. What is a typical day for you, like?

Well, in the everyday part of our lives we are entrepreneurs in business development. We offer training to those wanting to better manage their work flow, do less, and have more success. Basically, we teach people how to not make the mistakes we did! 

Currently, what we are even more excited about is our podcast. We started Torrid Souls Podcast in 2018; basically, because we were encouraged to share our take on relationships based on conversations we would normally have, with others. Our journey into ethical non-monogamy started about 3 years ago and has been an interesting and fun one, that has expanded our world in ways we never imagined.

We are curious and like to try new things, so we podcast about what we encounter. We travel and teach and share how we navigate the world of ethical non-monogamy as two women married to each other, who, when we play, it’s with single guys! 

What listeners have told us they really enjoy most about our show is the connection we have with each other. They like how vulnerable, yet how informative (and hilarious) we are. As a same-sex female couple, who are both bisexual, we may not be the norm in the lifestyle, but like many couples, sometimes we just like to spice it up too. 

Q: As a couple, what are some ways you both maintain intimacy, passion and fun in your relationship?

The 5 Love Languages is a system that helps us maintain intimacy, passion and fun in our relationship.

For those who are not familiar with them, they are: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. Each love language is important in that it gives us concrete ways to express love. We find that it helps to create a stronger bond in our relationship.

We can achieve that feeling of closeness, express strong emotion, enjoyment or lighthearted pleasure through these love languages. 

We love touch, and the obvious pleasures of intimate, physical touch. There are also the more subtle ways of using physical touch to show our love, like holding hands, touching as we pass by each other in the kitchen, for example, and also throughout the night, as we sleep. We often have arms around each other, legs intertwined, or even just feet or toes touching as an expression of love.

Nurturing any relationship is basically being able to get as much of what one person wants while still giving the other person as much of what they want.   

Click here for a quiz to find out your primary love language.

Q: Tell us about a particularly memorable romantic evening/trip/date night. What stands out most in your mind and why?

We live, work and play together, and we’ve been doing this for many years.  We are fortunate that we have just the right combination of similarities to be able to easily have a lot of fun being together and yet, we are still two completely, different individuals. 

One of us is naturally an introvert, and the other is more of an extrovert.  One of us is a morning person, the other is naturally a night owl. Maintaining a relationship means that we must compromise and stretch outside of our natural tendencies. 

Couples are often challenged to maintain a relationship with a difference in sex drives, or have differing styles of sexual enjoyment. No matter the challenge, the same still holds true. Compromise. Communicate. Compromise. Communicate. Discover and share what is true for you.  Listen, with curiosity and interest, to what is your partner’s truth. Find a point of compromise. And if you need support in finding that middle ground, get help from someone outside of the relationship (perhaps a professional counsellor, someone who is capable of helping you).

We just recently decided to step up to a whole new level of intimacy by enlisting the support of a sensuality coach. In this latest endeavour, we are discovering our sexual blueprints to help us to better get our own desires met and to be able to feed the desires of our partner. Coupled with this work, we are also learning about passionate sexuality and deeper love, gaining greater intimacy and having even better sex. 

Click here to find out more.

5. Share a particularly memorable date/trip.  What stands out and why?

We love experiences, and (we’d like to think) we are pretty adventurous. We recently got married and, in our vows, we made a commitment to each other to have fun (frequently), travel even more, and try new things. What stands out as a particularly memorable date is actually our wedding. 

After being together for years, we wanted it to be an epic celebration. Something that focused on surprising our guests with a truly unique, unexpected and immersive experience. We rented a multi-million-dollar mansion for the weekend, hired actors, belly dancers, an artist to paint portraits, musicians, singers and a DJ.  We set a theme and encouraged guests to go wild and have fun dressing to that theme. Guests were taken through 3 unconventional days of dancing, eating and being entertained. They loved it.  We loved it too! It was so much fun. To this day, we still hear from guests that it was THE best wedding they have ever attended!

6. What advice do you have for busy couples who are struggling to make time for one another?

Time together feeds the relationship. It’s important. It’s a busy world and maintaining an intimate connection in a relationship with a hectic schedule can be challenging.  Oftentimes we can feel like we don’t even have enough time for our own self-care and paying attention to someone else can easily feel overwhelming. We operate from the understanding that all relationships go through stages. Knowing this, we can better recognize and navigate the challenges that come up for us.  

In the beginning stage of any relationship there is attraction and romance. Everything is new and lusty. Sadly, we cannot maintain this level of fantasy, and inevitably, reality will eventually end this “high”. 

What often comes next is that we start to see the flaws, and behaviours we may not like. This is often where relationships end. At this stage, we are being asked to strengthen our communication and trust if we are to get to the deeper stages of stability and commitment in our relationship. Statistically, few couples, married or not, don’t make it to this deeper stage. Understandably; it’s HARD work. It takes a lot of work to navigate some of these differences.

We suggest that couples cuddle up and discussing ideas of things that they are curious about, things they’d like to try. Decide on ways to have fun together, ways to spice things up in a different way.  Go dancing; it will literally get you closer. We’ll often go to a lifestyle club just to dance! Or try something a little more edgy, like a different theme at a lifestyle event, club or resort.  Go get openly sexy with each other in a safe environment like Oasis Aqualounge. Just make sure to set boundaries before choosing to add others into your playtime. And if you’re not sure where to start, listen to podcasts together.  It’ll start the discussion. There’s lots of great content available to educate, entertain, and inspire your desires. 

Remember, relationships are a constant play session in progress!

Is there anything else you would like to share with our readers?

In case you may be wondering why there are no faces in our pictures, it’s because we still need to practice a level of discretion in a society that has not yet fully embraced all the benefits of the sub-community of consensual non-monogamy.

 One day it won’t be this way, and in the meantime, we look forward to connecting with you in person at events, and online on social media.  We love meeting people.

We’d love it if you’d join our Torrid Souls Tribe. Listen in and let our ‘smexy’ (smart + sexy) conversations open your minds (and your legs) just a wee bit wider. 

Check out www.TorridSouls.com/links for the ways to find, and contact us.  Just know that we are mostly on Twitter, Instagram and Patreon.

To find out about our travels, our podcast and us, visit our website at: www.TorridSouls.com 

Managing Love, Sex and Relationships with Dr. Jess O’Reilly & Brandon Ware

Visit the Oasis Aqualounge blog to learn more about how busy 'power couples' like Dr. Jess O' Reilly and Brandon Ware stay connected & maintain intimacy within their relationship.

How do busy ‘power couples’ make time for their relationships? Between managing hectic work schedules, family life and social obligations, it can be a challenge to prioritize intimacy, romance and sex.

Oasis Aqualounge Marketing Director Fatima Mechtab recently interviewed keynote speaker, best-selling author, relationship coach and sexologist Dr. Jess O’Reilly and her husband Brandon Ware; the founding partner in a Real Estate company. Dr. Jess and Brandon share personal insights into on how they maintain a balance between their professional and personal lives and how they keep the passion alive, in their marriage.

Q: How did you meet and how long have you been together?

Jess: We met in a downtown Toronto nightclub. I was bar tending and Brandon was bar-backing. We hooked up one night (I made the first, second and third move) and we moved in together, a few days later. We were so young. That was over 18 years ago and time has flown by! 

Brandon: We’ve been living together for 18.5 years and met while working at Hotel Nightclub, downtown Toronto. We met one fateful night and thankfully for me, Jess took the initiative and approached me. I couldn’t be happier that she did because I don’t think I would have ever mustered up enough courage to ask her out .

Q:  Describe your career, as individuals. What is a typical day for you, like?

Jess: I spend most of my days speaking and doing interviews. No day is typical. Last week, I filmed a few episode for TSC – a hike shopping television channel that just launched a late night show selling adult items.  Right now I’m flying home from a corporate event in Chicago where I spoke about how entrepreneurs can support their staff to have happier personal relationships (which leads to greater workplace productivity). Tomorrow, I’m shooting a segment on workplace relationships with Global TV and touring the PinkCherry.ca offices and sex toy warehouse, and the next day, I’ll head to Atlanta to facilitate a business coaching workshop for therapists and educators. Brandon will join me to co-host the podcast in Atlanta (at an incredible conference called Sex Down South) and well interview experts on a broad range of topics: relationships after trauma, how to use vulnerability to improve relationships, orgasm as a healing modality, erotic breath work and BDSM for POC. After that, I’ll come back to Toronto to speak at a big party for Moms and then head to India for a few corporate speeches.  In between speaking engagements, I do a lot of writing for press and (for my) blog. I just finished writing a book with Marla Renee Stewart; The Ultimate Guide to Seduction and Foreplay. 

Brandon: I own a real estate company. A typical day starts around 6:30am and includes work from home and client meetings. I’ll find myself bouncing around the downtown core and getting pulled into calls and negotiations that weren’t planned. It’s dynamic and fun and depending on the day, can run into the late evening.

Visit the Oasis Aqualounge blog to learn more about how busy 'power couples' like Dr. Jess O' Reilly and Brandon Ware stay connected & maintain intimacy within their relationship.

Q: As a couple, what are some ways you both maintain intimacy, passion and fun in your relationship?

Jess: Life is fun! My work affords us the privilege of traveling often. Because we’re always visiting new cities and counties, novelty is the norm.  In terms of physical intimacy and sex, I think we would benefit from making more time for it. We’re great at fitting and sneaking it in even when we’re busy, but I think we’d both enjoy some more down time to be alone. I find it challenging to balance work and pleasure because my business is pleasure; when I’m having fun with work, I sometimes forget that I need to plan for fun that doesn’t involve work too. I’m trying to get better at scheduling time off. 

Brandon: There is no shortage of fun in our relationship. Although Jess’ schedule is hectic and her travel can be overwhelming, I make an effort to accompany her when possible to work from abroad but to explore new cities. It creates excitement and injects adventure but also creates intimacy as we both recognize the desire for intimacy when we’ve spent time apart.

Q: What do you feel are the biggest challenges in maintaining a relationship/marriage and how to do work through that?

Jess: I think relationships fail because expectations aren’t met. But oftentimes, we don’t communicate our expectations so our partners don’t really understand what we need and (certain) expectations can be unrealistic. We can’t expect our partners to fulfill our every need – emotionally, sexually, practically and socially. I often have to ask myself if my expectations are fair and realistic. Brandon wants to give me everything. He wants to meet my every need and so, I have to be mindful not to ask too much and make sure that I seek support and fulfillment form other parts of my life; other people, relationships, interests, and interactions. I think we’re pretty good at giving each other space and communicating our needs and boundaries. But we still slip up at times, so we are always talking about our own relationship and how our feelings and needs change over time. 

Brandon: With regard to our personal relationship, I feel the biggest challenges are privacy and ‘technoference.’ Jess’ father lives in our house so the need for privacy (at times) can be difficult. I don’t believe we’ve completely worked through all the kinks but we’ve created space in our house that is specifically for us. We also try and plan getaways or trips where I accompany Jess and add an extra day to spend some alone time together.  I also struggle with ‘techonoference’ and have had to work diligently to disconnect from tech. It’s easy to say “I have to check my phone because…” but the reality with my work is that I’m not saving babies. Once I realized that my work is important but not as important as I think it is, I was able to affect change in my behavior. I’ve implemented time restrictions on devices that I try to adhere to and I have learned to be as efficient as possible when working. It has created more personal time and time for our relationship.

Q: Tell us about a particularly memorable romantic evening/trip/date night. What stands out most in your mind and why?

Jess: A few years ago, Brandon surprised me by showing up in the audience in the middle of a speech in Halifax:

I’m standing on stage in Halifax with bright lights in my eyes and a crowd of 200 in front of me. I’m sleep deprived and almost delirious because I took a connecting red-eye from Las Vegas and went straight to work giving speeches when I landed…(So while onstage) that night … I see a handsome guy in (a) brown sweater walk into the audience and sit down. “That looks like Brandon,” I think to myself, as I keep going with my speech trying not to miss a beat. “But that can’t be Brandon. He’s in Toronto. I saw him this morning.” I’m still talking and thinking and gesticulating with the bright lights beaming in my eyes.  ” Am I losing my mind? I need to sleep…” I think, as I keep talking about the legs of the clitoris and joking that it’s not a doorbell. 

Then he smiles at me and I realize that it is Brandon. He hopped the next flight to surprise me and spend the weekend helping me at the Halifax event. He even brought my dog along to keep us company and give us one more comfort of home.  Even if I’m busy working, it just feels good to know Brandon is in the room.

Brandon: 2010 – Rome, Italy. (We are) sitting on a patio in a 1500 year old piazza having a drink; watching people pass us by, interacting with each other and living (our) daily life. (I’m not sure if it was a moment of existential reflection or perhaps it was a moment where I was relaxed, calm, peaceful while hanging with Jess. It is a memory that always stands out.

Visit the Oasis Aqualounge blog to learn more about how busy 'power couples' like Dr. Jess O' Reilly and Brandon Ware stay connected & maintain intimacy within their relationship

Q: What advice to do have for busy, ‘ power couples’ who are struggling to make time for one another?

Jess: If we’re a so-called “power couple”, it’s only because we have the privilege to be. And so, I think gratitude and giving back are the most important parts of life for us. I can’t speak for others and I know that what works for us may not work for others. But every day, I wake up and take a moment to remember what’s important to me. I’m thankful every damn day and I wouldn’t trade my life for anyone else’s. I know I may not always feel this way, as some things are out of my control. And so I don’t want to take anything for granted — especially Brandon. I know he feels the same way about me and so we always make time for one another.

A while back, Brandon read something about the days of your life being represented by jellybeans in a jar. If you live to be 100, you begin with approximately 36,525 jellybeans and each day one is removed (you get to eat it). So I often think about the jellybean that represents today and how I want to enjoy it. I only have so many jellybeans and I want to savor every last one. I can’t afford to waste a single bean (even if it’s one of those nonsensical buttered popcorn flavored ones). 

I hope we live to be 106 & 108 years old (he’s two years older than me), but I also know that there are no guarantees, so I always think about the jellybeans. 

Brandon:
1. Decide that you want to change, create a plan and put in some effort.
2. Stop making excuses. I’ve learned that simply ‘saying’ I’m going to do something without a plan is ineffective.

Carefully thinking through how I’m going to do something, making a plan and actually investing effort will pay dividends. Even if your plan doesn’t work out exactly as you’ve wanted it to, you’ve tried, learned, can modify and try again. Your willingness to make a positive change won’t go unnoticed by your partner

To learn more about Dr. Jess O’Reilly, please visit her website and Happier Couples online courses for couples. She can also be found on Twitter, Instagram and YouTube.

If you are a couple who would like to share relationship tips with our readers, we would love to feature you in our newsletter. Please email info@oasisaqualounge.com, attention Fatima Mechtab.

Power Couples; Managing Love, Sex and Relationships

How do busy ‘power couples’ make time for their relationships? Between managing hectic work schedules, family life and social obligations, it can be a challenge to prioritize intimacy, romance and sex.

Oasis Aqualounge Marketing Director Fatima Mechtab recently interviewed best selling author, social media influcencer, actress and former Naked News anchor Jacqui Childs and her husband Drew Childs on how they maintain a balance between their professional and personal lives and how they keep the passion alive, in their marriage.

Jacqui Childs and Drew Childs keep the passion alive, even as a busy power couple.

Q: How did you meet and how long have you been together?

A: We met just over 10 years ago. Our story may not have started on the most traditional or positive note but we were definitely meant to be . Although we were both married at the time, there was a force greater than all of us, trying to connect us. I definitely believe in fate and kismet. We’ve been happily married for seven years now.

Q:  Describe your career, as individuals. What is a typical day for you, like?

A: Drew manages a fitness facility. He is also an addictions counselor. He manages me as well as being my exclusive photographer. I’m an #influencer and I know that word is annoying and over used but it’s what I do and I love the life we’ve created. Together we’ve built an online following into the millions.

Power couple Jacqui Childs and Drew Childs play, laugh and work together, to keep the passion alive

Q: As a couple, what are some ways you both maintain intimacy, passion and fun in your relationship?

A: When asked about our relationship we’re always taken back. We definitely don’t have a traditional marriage as far as “rules” and limitations. We really are best friends.  We celebrate life and all it’s ups and downs together.  We have a face paced hectic professional life.  So at home we share a quite calm space . We are intimate daily and never miss .Even if it’s only long quiet skin on skin hugs . We take our private time very seriously. Our relationship is number one for both of us. 

Q: What do you feel are the biggest challenges in maintaining a relationship/marriage and how to do work through that?

A: (Due to) the level of attention (Jacqui) receives, we make sure to spend alone time regularly. We focus on us and what’s real. We schedule lots of road trips and romantic easy getaways; again, with the focus on quiet and calm. Our favorite slogan is: “no shirts, no shoes, NO PANTS required.” We talk a lot about our fantasies and desires.  We don’t have secrets. Of course we’re human, far from perfect. We don’t own each other’s thoughts and feelings; we celebrate them ( or poke fun at one another) 

Q: Tell us about a particularly memorable romantic evening/trip/date night. What stands out most in your mind and why?

A: One of our most romantic times was in Amsterdam. We fit in there so well . The pace, the food , the people . The entire trip was magical ( so were the mushrooms!).  But in all honesty, my (Jacqui’s) health isn’t great and Drew has literally changed my diapers and dried my eyes more times than I can count. He’s my greatest gift. We have a mating call, like the sound of a bird. Even on my hardest days, that sound calms me . I feel brave ,strong and loved because of Drew and the love we share .

Q: What advice to do have for busy, ‘ power couples’ who are struggling to make time for one another?

A: The human experience. Love is the most important thing we share.  Focus on what’s important and the rest will come We make up our rules and change them as we go. But really, being friends and honoring yourself allows for real closeness and love to grow. Life is busy but loving yourself and each other is what it’s all for. Even on some of our darkest days knowing you’re not alone in this world, is priceless.  

Communication. Kindness. Empathy. Respect. Those are often lost or overlooked in relationships and (that’s when the) cracks start. If you really want to feel love, start with yourself. 

We definitely have our demons. Like everyone, ours just play really well with one another.  I hope to share space with Drew forever ( how ever long that is) Nothing’s promised, but right now our love and our life is pretty beautiful, with all it’s ups and downs xo

To learn more about Jaqui Childs; her adventures, upcoming projects and her incredible love for Drew, follow her on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter.

If you are a couple who would like to share relationship tips with our readers, we would love to feature you in our newsletter. Please email info@oasisaqualounge.com, attention Fatima Mechtab.